Adventures in Being Myself

Dear Daddy - It has been 12 years since we lost you. Twelve years is a long time, and so many things have happened since that sad Sunday morning; for that is a harsh reality of death: life does go on. Thousands of minutes have passed since 6:09am, December 7, 1997, and yet that particular moment is seared in my memory like only a handful of others. I regret not fully waking up to give you a hug and kiss that Thursday night before you left for the Keys Friday morning. I had been in Tallahassee all week, and you arrived home late after a business dinner. In a half-alert moment, I heard you open the door; but I stayed in bed. I missed you the next morning as you left early for Marathon...no doubt excited for the warm, beautiful weather and the peace of Avenue M. My last memory of you is sitting on the sofa in the living room at Grandmama's watching football with Uncle Tommy Williams, Grandaddy and various other family members. You were laughing, with that twinkle in your eye, and joki...

I'm on Facebook. A lot. Everyone else is, too, so I don't really have a problem. Okay, maybe I have a small problem...whatever, back to my story. I'm "friends" with NPR, which is my other addiction. I have no patience for bad radio, so NPR it is (except when Zane and I are jammin' to the new Z-100). Wow, I am scatter-brained today. Must be the Diet Coke. Okay, so, really, back to my story. Today NPR updated its Facebook page with a story link about the release of the entire first season of Designing Women on DVD. Like most women living below the Mason-Dixon line, I love Designing Women. My sister and I have seen every episode and still watch re-runs in syndication. There are certain lines and dialogue that never fail to crack us up. In honor of the DVD release, NPR Pop Culture blogger Linda Holmes created "The Designing Women Game: Write Your Own Julia Rant." Finally! An opportunity to channel the queen of the calm, cool, collected tirade; an opportu...

still trying to make sense of it all; but promised to write a blog entry about the incident. As posted to my Facebook profile last Thursday, via Twitter, I "learned a very hard lesson today: never, ever trust anyone. That includes "friends." When I joined Facebook last Spring (as a way to see photos of a dear friend's new baby boy), I determined to use the service for pure social reasons: reconnecting with old friends from high school; staying in touch with friends who are geographically distant; keeping up with the local social scene; sharing photos and quick updates with family near and far; etc.,. I work in a field that all but requires socializing with colleagues. Politics is built on a foundation of personal relationships and connections, and the line between "colleague" and "friend" is faint and distorted. Still, as my "friend" list expanded to include friends who are also work colleagues, I adjusted my privacy settings to allow on...

In my search for inspiration, collected thoughts, cogent paragraphs and witty rejoinders, I'm settling for another (stolen) meme to clear the writer's block: Let's start out with something oh so clever, whats your sign? Virgo. Congratulations! You just had a baby boy! Whats his name? I actually did have a baby boy 16 months ago. His name is Peter Zane Biagi LeBoutillier. If I were to have another baby boy, his name would be Aidan. Congratulations ! It's a baby girl! You name her? Ava or Lila Look at your recent calls, who was your last missed call from? Ashley. What is bothering you right now? Last night. What is your favorite color? Blue. Who's the last person you texted? PG. Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon? No. Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?Yes. If you had $100 would you spend or save it? I would spend it. If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay? As long as the spider stayed on its own side of the room. D...

MUST. UPDATE. BLOG. :)

I was browsing through our pictures this week and it struck me that my expression is very similar in both of these photos: November 2007 January 2009

Yes, Anonymous, I know I failed. See there in the sidebar to the right? I admit it. So there. Whatever. On to more important things. I have been so scattered for the last week. I know the source of my lack of focus: Zane is positively careening toward the big 0h-1! just three days from today. Try as I might, and no matter what I do to distract myself from this fact, I can't help but reflect on the last year and wallow in sentimentality, which leads to lack of focus, which leads to scatterbrained-ness and so on and so forth. I'm not the type to live in the past, forsaking the joy of today, tomorrow and the next day. But the last year - actually, the last eighteen months - has been amazing. The greatest joy I've ever known is Zane: a tiny, sleepy, snuggly, contented bundle of sweetness who has grown into the happiest, smiliest, most expressive, sweetest little boy. All of my friends who are mothers comfort my sadness by reminding me that it "just gets better." It...

As my Anonymous Blog Stalker "politely" reminded me, I haven't kept up with this NaBloPoMo thingy very well in the last five days. Whatever! Thanks for the suggested new daily mantra, but I think I'll stick with what works for me: Recommit daily to your goals. So, getting back to business. Starting with Sunday, five days late. Cheers to all us thieves ! It may be late, but this meme is a perfect metaphor for the chaos that has reigned in my universe during the last five days. 1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? Yes, but not the creamy variety. I like blue cheese vinaigrette. 2. Favorite late night snack? Cherry Garcia, or Hash Browns scattered, smothered and covered . 3. Do you own a gun? Yes. A shotgun . 4. What’s your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? Venti Shaken Iced Passion Tea with three Splenda instead of the classic (sugar) syrup. 5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not anymore, after bi-weekly, then weekly, OB vi...

Mr. Robert P. Tracey (in a thick New Yawk accent...): "Yeah, someone from this number called PetFinders about placing two cats." Me: "Um, no we didn't." Mr. Robert P. Tracey: "Are you sure?" Me: "Um, yeah. Pretty sure." Mr. Robert P. Tracey: "Is this 239/245-2859?" Me: "No. This is 239/245-xxxx." Mr. Robert P. Tracey: "Are you absolutely sure nobody from that number called about placing the cats?" Me: (Inner dialogue: Mr. Robert P. Tracey, sir, I assure you that no one from our household called PetFinders from our home line to inquire about placing two cats. Really. I promise. Beyond the fact that we rarely use our home phone, much less at 9:58pm, and that our number isn't 239/245-2859, we are not cat people. Oh, Mr. Tracey, if you only knew just how vehemently we are not cat people...) "Yes. I am absolutely sure."

A Friday haiku for my Anonymous Blog Stalker (Hi Kevin!): It is not Lupus, Silly no-name commenter. It is BRONCHITIS.

I have officially given up on this week. I spent another day meandering between the sofa and my bed, covered and uncovered (depending on my fever), watching smut on the telly. Bravo disappointed me today; but, Oh, VH1! Your Celebrity Rehab made me feel like I could run a marathon today, even in my pitiable, tired, feverish, congested, coughing-up-a-lung state. And, by the way, am I the only one who thinks it is so very, very sad that Kenicky is a chronic addict? Zane is officially 11 months old (as of yesterday), and he is now officially waving "bye bye." And so far, so good on our mission to keep him safe from invasion by the germs infecting his Mama. PG is tired. Bless his dear soul, he has been Super Papa, nurse maid and full-time employee all week. He even made homemade "junk" soup for supper last night because that was the only thing that sounded even remotely good. And it WAS good. Tylenol Cold Nighttime=good. Claritin D=no bueno. Gas prices have fallen to $1....

...severe respiratory infection and bronchitis. So, "Anonymous" thanks for suggesting it may be Kuru (what-the-shutchermouf???) or Lupus ; as if I didn't feel bad enough already. Anywhoo, it's Day Five of "not feeling so good," and Day Three of laying on the sofa watching the ever-entertaining smut on BravoTV . Until this week, I thought the powers-that-be at Bravo had really hit a low note with The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Now I understand its value: providing seriously sick mamas with a dose of indulgent, guilty pleasure between bouts of coughing up nasty green stuff. One question, though: why are they ALWAYS DRINKING on that show? Seriously! That Kim person was actually holding a full wine glass while sitting in her Porsche. I'm sure she wasn't driving but, still, open container law much? Also, my new favorite expression is "black don't crack," another Kim-ism. Throw me some love, internets, post some comments with clever uses for...

I do not know what has infected my being but, apparently, I'm providing a nice, cozy environment and it has decided to stay for a while. I (still) feel miserable, but I'm thanking my lucky stars for several things today: PG, for skipping work to take care of me Zane, for his super-happy, contented demeanor and for his habit of sleeping through the night Miss Diana and Miss Victoria, for taking such wonderful care of Zane today (on my day off, while I was at home) Tylenol Cold Crisp, clean sheets on my bed A long, hot shower Plenty of accrued sick leave Leather sofas that are cool on a feverish body Remote control television Non-stop, smutty entertainment on BravoTV; and Wireless internet Also, I heard a story on the BBC World News this morning about a political dissident in Burma who was on the run and in hiding, and who had not seen her 7-month-old daughter since she was 4-months-old. The details of the story are hazy...I was still groggy from last night's medication. But,...

I cannot believe how awful I felt all day today. What started as a lingering, worsening two-day sore throat morphed over night into something resembling a flu, including all of the fun gastrointestinal issues that go along with that. Sigh. The bright side is two-fold: PG is an AWESOME nurse, and an even better father. So not only were all of my needs met today, so were Zane's. That's some good stuff, right there. Also, thank you to Karen, Aunt Laura and Lisa for the shout-outs from the fan club. Reading your comments was also a bright spot in an otherwise truly miserable day.

I'm no longer in the running for the NaBloPoMo booty. Heck, I don't think I was EVER in the running since I never really got around to sending my blog name to Mrs. Kennedy ; but, whatever. I digress. Given that the only two people who read my blog with any regularity were with me for supper tonight (awesomely yummy vittles, by the way, Ash...), I am taking a pass on truly thoughtful posting in favor of nursing my two-day-sore-throat-that-just-isn't-getting-any-better. I'm currently drinking Ashley's preferred remedy: two bags of Sleepytime steeped in a cup of boiling water, mixed with two TBSP each of lemon juice, honey and ( halleleuia , thank you Lord for the Hollow at Lynchburg ...) Black Jack. I'll be out in three minutes, without my $200 in Monopoly money. In other news, it was a B-E-A- YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - TEEEEEEEEE - FUL weekend in Southwest Florida, and the Gators are now #3 (or #4, depending on which poll you favor); they are #4 in the BCS poll - the ...

Amid all the merriment that was my Friday, I forgot to update my blog for NaBloPoMo. Sigh. New mantra: recommit daily to your goals.

When Zane was born the refrain sounded, "he looks Just. Like. His father." He still does look a lot like PG, and that is a good thing; PG is smokin' hot. As he gets older, though, he is starting to look like me, too (finally...) Useppa Island Club - September 2008 Labor Day 2008

Today feels like "It is morning in America again." Yes, that is a reference to Ronald Reagan. And yes, I am connecting President-elect Barack Obama to Ronald Reagan. I am a Republican, but I am weary - let me capitalize and properly punctuate that: WEARY!!! - of the nastiness that has pervaded our political system during the last 14 years. It IS time for a change. Not just a change from one party to another, but a departure from hatefulness; negativity; rudeness; acrimony; bureaucratic inertia; stale ideas; political zealots; dogged ideology; dittoheads who don't think for themselves; and antipathy. We've had too much of it, for too many years, and it's time for it stop. It is past time for Americans to start thinking for themselves again, to engage, and to become part of the solution by actually participating in their democracy. While I may not agree with all of President-elect Obama's policy ideas, I believe in his core values and I am praying for his streng...

For Epiphany . Here is how I was awesome today . I: got up at 6:45am (on time for once...) made bottles, lunch and snacks for daycare finished loading the dishwasher with dishes in the sink from last night (yuck!) washed other dishes that cannot be cleaned in the dishwasher ate breakfast (re-committing to do that every day...) played with my son (PG takes the morning shift of feeding the morning bottle, changing diapers and dressing Zane for school...I get the fun part of just snuggling, kissing and playing with him...) took a shower (and actually shaved my legs!) brushed AND flossed my teeth (normally I have to floss before bedtime because I am too rushed to do it in the morning...I know...eewwwww...) actually blew my hair dry AND styled it! applied makeup, including lip gloss selected an outfit I liked, on the first try remembered my dress shoes for work (I always wear flip-flops until I arrive there...) took Zane to daycare communicated clearly and effectively with the daycare direc...

Recently, my friend Karen posted about mold. I am extraordinarily impressed, though, with her husband, Chris, who "was impressed early on by [her] ability to grow mold on things he didn't know would mold..." I am just a tad OCD about my fridge (a story that requires a LOT more sobriety than I am able to muster after enjoying many Heinekens and Jell-O shots during UF's butt-whoopin' of UGA); so, in keeping with the "wow, I didn't know THAT would grow mold" I present the moldy peppers. Yuck!