Friday, August 1, 2008

Oh, Internet, However Did You Know?

I've been tagged. To this point in my blogging tenure, I have resisted posting memes - even when writer's block causes the blog to grow stale and moldy. But Lisa just couldn't help herself this morning, excited as she was over the "needs" meme and, I suspect, pleased with her internet thievery, and tagged creation before it tagged her.


So here's the drill: Google your first name with the word "needs" behind it and post the results. The internets spit out 3,250 results for me in Google. A paltry showing, but them's the breaks when your name is not at the top of the 10 Most Popular Names list for any year. Even so, the results are hilarity in hyperlinks; especially since I chose to create my list from the pages inmediately preceding the results that are all porn-related. That Haley Paige sure is something... And since it's my very first meme ever, I am breaking from the standard set by Mimi and listing all of the results that made Diet Coke squirt out my nose when I laughed. Here then are all the things I ever needed, but never knew it:


Paige needs to find a dead man to save her daughter's life
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Paige needs hearing aids in both ears (no doubt PG concurs with the internet on this one)
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Paige needs to lose weight BAAAAAD! (sheesh! I've lost all the baby weight...)
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Paige needs help finding a 10th player for the ballot
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Paige needs CPR
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Paige needs new jeans (true dat!)
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Paige needs to avoid exposure to viruses (don't we all?)
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Paige needs to forge a strategic alliance with a world class manufacturer (I guess the internets know about my plan for world domination)
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Paige needs to get over herself (oh, snap!)
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Paige needs your prayers as she cannot get on her computer for a virus so please pray for her
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Paige needs her hair done so she doesn't get a mullet
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Paige needs more of a 'life structure.'
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Paige needs a tan, and to stop wearing white and black
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Paige needs something to relieve her anger and stress
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Paige needs to be run through a woodchipper
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Paige needs all the support she can get under the circumstances
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Paige needs to do a stretch session and a cool down sit
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Paige needs to move to Denmark
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Paige needs a lot of information
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Paige needs to be taken to the nurse
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Paige needs to develop some specific measure of shampoo quality
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Paige needs to marry someone quick
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Paige needs breath freshener for Christmas (pay attention, family, the holidays are approaching)
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Paige needs a chocolate (just one?)
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Paige needs only to add weight and strength to become an impact player at Tennessee (WTF? The internets are ALL wrong on this one. I would never, never, never, ever, never wear that tacky rocky-top orange...no matter how weighty and strong I was, or how much they paid me...)
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Paige needs a good nap (um, duh? I have an 8-month old...)
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Paige needs a pool
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Paige needs to shop 'til she drops
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Paige needs so little direction, and is always at the top of her game (WOOT!)
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Paige needs to administer the blinding medicine
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Paige needs to do some face squats
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Paige needs a bone marrow transplant
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Paige needs to find enlightenment
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Paige needs more sex
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Paige needs some high heels and a purse
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Paige needs to be asked Tough Questions
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Paige needs to live her luxurious lifestyle
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Paige needs to make a come back

2 comments:

LMP said...

I don't know why, but this has been making me laugh until I cry today. Must be a Friday thing.

Mimi Lenox said...

I've only read the first one and I'm laughing hysterically.
Mullets? Tans? Black and white?
Face squats??? What the heck are face squats? And sex? (I know what that is but still....)
Lol...run through a woodchipper?

Stop the violence people!

That was too funny.