Adventures in Being Myself

Dear Daddy - It has been 12 years since we lost you. Twelve years is a long time, and so many things have happened since that sad Sunday morning; for that is a harsh reality of death: life does go on. Thousands of minutes have passed since 6:09am, December 7, 1997, and yet that particular moment is seared in my memory like only a handful of others. I regret not fully waking up to give you a hug and kiss that Thursday night before you left for the Keys Friday morning. I had been in Tallahassee all week, and you arrived home late after a business dinner. In a half-alert moment, I heard you open the door; but I stayed in bed. I missed you the next morning as you left early for Marathon...no doubt excited for the warm, beautiful weather and the peace of Avenue M. My last memory of you is sitting on the sofa in the living room at Grandmama's watching football with Uncle Tommy Williams, Grandaddy and various other family members. You were laughing, with that twinkle in your eye, and joki...

Zane busted out two new words since I updated this joint yesterday: "hah" - he does a pretty good job of keeping his hat on when we're in the sun. *** "pur" - the boy knows him some accessories. No wonder it is hard for me to keep up.

Magic 8-Ball says, "yes." It's been awhile. As much as I love writing, I find it very hard to keep up with regular posts. There is so much to write about and I'm a Virgo so I want to do it all in order, but I can't keep up with writing about everything that is happening so fast...so I don't know where to start...so I become...paralyzed. I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself to make these blog entries "perfect:" timely, relevant, smart, witty, whatever. But, I do. And then there's the matter of pictures. All of our thousands of pictures are stored on a hard drive. At home. The trouble is, I don't have much free time for blogging when I am at home. And the truth is, I don't want to make the time for blogging at home. I would rather spend my time playing with PG and Zane. So my first entry here in two months will be all words. Fittingly, it is about words. Specifically, all the words my 19-month-old genius has mastered. At ...

I'm on Facebook. A lot. Everyone else is, too, so I don't really have a problem. Okay, maybe I have a small problem...whatever, back to my story. I'm "friends" with NPR, which is my other addiction. I have no patience for bad radio, so NPR it is (except when Zane and I are jammin' to the new Z-100). Wow, I am scatter-brained today. Must be the Diet Coke. Okay, so, really, back to my story. Today NPR updated its Facebook page with a story link about the release of the entire first season of Designing Women on DVD. Like most women living below the Mason-Dixon line, I love Designing Women. My sister and I have seen every episode and still watch re-runs in syndication. There are certain lines and dialogue that never fail to crack us up. In honor of the DVD release, NPR Pop Culture blogger Linda Holmes created "The Designing Women Game: Write Your Own Julia Rant." Finally! An opportunity to channel the queen of the calm, cool, collected tirade; an opportu...

It's time to lighten the mood in this joint. It is Friday, after all, and who wants to ride ickiness into the weekend? Not me. So, here are two brand-spankin'-new photos of my boys. It's too bad they really don't like each other very much. PG - 43 years, Zane - 17 months Nice try, but no. We are not cutting Zane's hair. EVER.

still trying to make sense of it all; but promised to write a blog entry about the incident. As posted to my Facebook profile last Thursday, via Twitter, I "learned a very hard lesson today: never, ever trust anyone. That includes "friends." When I joined Facebook last Spring (as a way to see photos of a dear friend's new baby boy), I determined to use the service for pure social reasons: reconnecting with old friends from high school; staying in touch with friends who are geographically distant; keeping up with the local social scene; sharing photos and quick updates with family near and far; etc.,. I work in a field that all but requires socializing with colleagues. Politics is built on a foundation of personal relationships and connections, and the line between "colleague" and "friend" is faint and distorted. Still, as my "friend" list expanded to include friends who are also work colleagues, I adjusted my privacy settings to allow on...

"Hi, Mama! I ate all my lunch!" "...and I really, really enjoyed it!" "Peanut Butter and Jelly is my favorite!" "Jeah!"

In my search for inspiration, collected thoughts, cogent paragraphs and witty rejoinders, I'm settling for another (stolen) meme to clear the writer's block: Let's start out with something oh so clever, whats your sign? Virgo. Congratulations! You just had a baby boy! Whats his name? I actually did have a baby boy 16 months ago. His name is Peter Zane Biagi LeBoutillier. If I were to have another baby boy, his name would be Aidan. Congratulations ! It's a baby girl! You name her? Ava or Lila Look at your recent calls, who was your last missed call from? Ashley. What is bothering you right now? Last night. What is your favorite color? Blue. Who's the last person you texted? PG. Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon? No. Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?Yes. If you had $100 would you spend or save it? I would spend it. If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay? As long as the spider stayed on its own side of the room. D...

After church, before a nap. No, Mama, I won't smile. Paci gooooood... Loot from the Easter Bunny. Round 1.

A boatload of toys (and I mean that literally...Zane's toybox is an actual boat...) and what does Zane choose to play with? Dental floss. The special dental floss. Woven. With fluoride. For sensitive teeth. The $3.59-a-box special dental floss. His mission, seemingly, was to remove all of said floss from the box; and he succeeded. I can't really complain, though; he happily amused himself while I dressed for work. It was all pretty cute actually. Reach woven floss with fluoride: $3.59. Happy 16-month-old toddler: priceless.

I think it may be time to lock the trash cabinet. This morning I found two cordless phones and one sippy cup in the household garbage bin. In other news unrelated to garbage, Zane's new favorite words are "woooooooow" (he usually busts out with it when presented with a meal), "whooooooaaaa", "ballllllllll", "wa-wu" (waffle) and "buh-bye." He is also blowing raspberries with his tongue out, which just cracks me up. He has also taken to pointing his tiny finger to my belly button and saying "bay-bee." I know Zane is an old soul, and I can't help but wonder if he is asking for a baby brother or sister. PG and I are mesmerized by the cognitive development taking place right before our eyes. Zane understands how to put things away in their proper place; he will come find us when we call to him; he can distinguish between bunny and bear and monkey when we ask him to bring a specific toy to us; and he will come sit down in f...

Lesson learned: it just keeps getting better. For about two months before my baby turned a year old, I was wistful and sad about the (rapid) passing of infancy. The sadness permeated every sector of my life and sort of "paralyzed" me for a few weeks as we careened toward December 12, 2008. It's another one of those things that nobody tells you when you become a mother: it's the biggest and most wonderful thing to give birth, until you begin to realize that your baby becomes more independent of you with every passing day. Because Zane will likely be my only child, my feelings about his transition from newbie, to baby, to infant, to toddler were particularly keen . How could it go so fast? (I know I was warned, but still...) Did I miss anything? I hope not... Remember when?...and the "when" was only a few weeks earlier. Sigh. But, then, after the Big oh-1!...after marking the day with all of the pomp and ceremony befitting such an occasion, Zane was the same s...

MUST. UPDATE. BLOG. :)

I was browsing through our pictures this week and it struck me that my expression is very similar in both of these photos: November 2007 January 2009

My darling Zane - As I write this entry, you are asleep; snugly enveloped in your beloved blanket, pacifier in your mouth, breathing (oh, how I love to hear you breathe...) steadily, and skipping happily along in dreamland. You cannot understand - or, maybe you do - that your birthday is nigh. And not just any birthday; your very first birthday on Earth, and quite a special occasion for all of us. Exactly one year ago today, God made us a family and the well of love in our hearts became bottomless. Your name means "gracious gift of God," and we chose that name for you because you are the greatest blessing in our life. I hope whenever someone asks you about the meaning of your name you will always remember that: YOU are the greatest blessing and gift in our life. As I reflect on the last year, my heart overflows with gratitude and love. Gratitude to God: He said to Pop and me, "you are to be parents; but trust in me." We did, and he gave us you. You, the love of our...

Yes, Anonymous, I know I failed. See there in the sidebar to the right? I admit it. So there. Whatever. On to more important things. I have been so scattered for the last week. I know the source of my lack of focus: Zane is positively careening toward the big 0h-1! just three days from today. Try as I might, and no matter what I do to distract myself from this fact, I can't help but reflect on the last year and wallow in sentimentality, which leads to lack of focus, which leads to scatterbrained-ness and so on and so forth. I'm not the type to live in the past, forsaking the joy of today, tomorrow and the next day. But the last year - actually, the last eighteen months - has been amazing. The greatest joy I've ever known is Zane: a tiny, sleepy, snuggly, contented bundle of sweetness who has grown into the happiest, smiliest, most expressive, sweetest little boy. All of my friends who are mothers comfort my sadness by reminding me that it "just gets better." It...

As my Anonymous Blog Stalker "politely" reminded me, I haven't kept up with this NaBloPoMo thingy very well in the last five days. Whatever! Thanks for the suggested new daily mantra, but I think I'll stick with what works for me: Recommit daily to your goals. So, getting back to business. Starting with Sunday, five days late. Cheers to all us thieves ! It may be late, but this meme is a perfect metaphor for the chaos that has reigned in my universe during the last five days. 1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? Yes, but not the creamy variety. I like blue cheese vinaigrette. 2. Favorite late night snack? Cherry Garcia, or Hash Browns scattered, smothered and covered . 3. Do you own a gun? Yes. A shotgun . 4. What’s your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? Venti Shaken Iced Passion Tea with three Splenda instead of the classic (sugar) syrup. 5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not anymore, after bi-weekly, then weekly, OB vi...

Mr. Robert P. Tracey (in a thick New Yawk accent...): "Yeah, someone from this number called PetFinders about placing two cats." Me: "Um, no we didn't." Mr. Robert P. Tracey: "Are you sure?" Me: "Um, yeah. Pretty sure." Mr. Robert P. Tracey: "Is this 239/245-2859?" Me: "No. This is 239/245-xxxx." Mr. Robert P. Tracey: "Are you absolutely sure nobody from that number called about placing the cats?" Me: (Inner dialogue: Mr. Robert P. Tracey, sir, I assure you that no one from our household called PetFinders from our home line to inquire about placing two cats. Really. I promise. Beyond the fact that we rarely use our home phone, much less at 9:58pm, and that our number isn't 239/245-2859, we are not cat people. Oh, Mr. Tracey, if you only knew just how vehemently we are not cat people...) "Yes. I am absolutely sure."